Wellness Calendar: Thursday 28 March

Freedom through self-forgiveness

In a world where many of us could get to live for quite a long time, situations and moments will undoubtedly arise where we might transgress: falling short out of our own moral integrity, our own standards, our own expectations of how we behave.

According to Everett L. Worthington, an American clinical psychologist, the main way to get back to what we once had before the transgression(s) is to seek and receive not necessarily forgiveness from others (although that would come in handy) but self-forgiveness. Only in this way, he believes, can we (i) reconnect with our values and beliefs and (ii) develop a sense of self-worth that will ultimately allow us to move
forward in life.

By getting in touch with our values we can take responsibility for what happened, make amends as best we can, and aim to keep our actions within our own moral compass. By getting in touch with a sense of ourselves that is just as worthy of wellness and a good quality of life as anyone else, we can connect our self-worth with our values in order to achieve a meaningful and purposeful forgiveness.

However, Worthington was realistic enough to know that this wasn’t all that easy or straight forward. If we do not manage to get back on track with our morality and are unable to see ourselves as being worthy we are likely to end up self-neglecting
and all-but give up on the life we once had. Alternatively, if we manage to get our moral compass back but are unable to love and care for ourselves we will end up forever self-punishing. Similarly, if we manage to get some self-worth back without the values and believes, we are likely to self-excuse our actions, which, again, rules out the prospect of forgiveness.

What do you think of this idea?