Starting Up Your Own Self Detective Agency
Part 13 - Lee's Story of Woe

Lee has only just started on his SD journey and is keen for other people to help him, as he feels overwhelmed by his predicament. This is what he knows so far:

• He has some deep, unresolved issues around his father, who used to beat his mother up when he was a child.
• He has a real, throbbing toothache which he takes painkillers for.
• He has begrudgingly agreed to look after his two teenage nephews in a month’s time for a whole week while his sister is on holiday. He worries because his house is a tip and he doesn’t know what he will do with them to keep them occupied and entertained.
• He has had constipation off and on for the last three years. He keeps telling himself he must eat more healthily and take up exercise.
• He is prone to panic attacks. He often thinks he is going to die when he is in public places, even with his friends. These have been getting worse and he has postponed outings with friends because he fears the panic attacks.
• He fancies a person at work, but he is too shy to ask them out for a date. He has been told by someone else that the person likes him too, but he worries that it will go wrong, that he will be rejected or end up getting hurt. He is worried that when the person finds out what he is really like they will go off him.
• His father is getting re-married in six months’ time. Lee will be expected to attend, but he’s angry every time he thinks about it. He is also worried that he might get drunk and cause a scene.
• He has noisy neighbours who sometimes play music till 3am – and he’s a bad sleeper at the best of times. They look rough, and there are four of them, so he doesn’t dare complain.
• He is bored in his job. He would like to leave, but he’s worried that he might not find another job that pays enough for him to pay his bills.
• He drinks wine most nights but doesn’t see it as a problem.
• He has a good relationship with his mother and would like to be able to share some of his problems with her, but she’s had a tough life and he doesn’t want to be a burden to her.
• He used to enjoy playing Sunday morning football and going to the cinema once a week, but now he’s too tired, too unfit, and never has enough energy after work anyway. He also used to read, play chess with his sister, go nightclubbing, and go for walks in the hills, but all that is in the past.
• He knows he’s not happy but doesn’t know where to begin to get himself back on track.

Q: How concerned are you about Lee’s well-being?
Q: What do you think could happen if Lee doesn’t invest time in sorting his life out?
Q: How might you try to help him?

Below is a list of things that are going on for Lee. Can you sort out the list by deciding which problem Lee could focus on first, all the way through to which one he could tackle last:

• Unresolved issues with father
• Constipation
• Bored of work
• Panic attacks
• Visit of nephews
• Toothache
• Father’s wedding
• Lack of sleep
• Drinking
• Person at work
• Tired and unfit
• Unhappy

Q: Could you write out a plan of action for Lee, with suggested solutions?

Q: What was it like for you to help sort out Lee’s life? Was it easy or difficult?
Q: What skills do you think you used to help Lee out?
Q: Could you do the same for your own life?

Below is a space for you to write up to 12 issues in your life that you may want to address in the same way you did for Lee.

My action plan