Wellness Calendar: Tuesday 18 March

Looking-glass self

The sociologist Charles Cooley focused his theory of the self on how we think we appear to others. This, he believed, is how we construct our self-identity: we learn to see ourselves through what we perceive to be the perceptions of other people.

For example, this is Gerald imagining what his sister, father, mother, son and grandmother think of him…
‘My brother is brainless.’
‘My son is flawless.’
‘My son is work-shy.’
‘My dad is my hero.’
‘My grand-son doesn’t know he’s been born.’

Gerald reacts to his own interpretation of these perceived judgments.
He believes he must act in accordance with those self-identity markers.
This is how Gerald develops a sense of himself.
This is what motivates Gerald to behave differently when he is with each person and how exhausting it is when all of them are together in one space and Gerald feels he has to be many things to many people.
This is how Gerald developed a low sense of himself. Deep down he believes what his sister, mother and grandmother think of him (or what he thinks they think), while dismissing what he thinks his mother thinks of him. He also believes that he cannot live up to the expectations of his son – who may or may not think of him as a hero.

There’s quite a lot to unpick here. What do you make of this idea? Can you apply it to your own life and your own circumstances?

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