Wellness Calendar: Saturday 20 December

The twentieth revolution

[Person-centredness; communicating skills; listening skills; inter-personal skills]

If you’re interested in an approach that actively promotes wellness when engaging and communicating with those around you, you might want to check out the revolutionary qualities of the psychological model person-centredness.

Person-centredness believes that everyone has within themselves the ability to get the most out of their lives – that we all have an in-built tendency to thrive, grow, develop and fulfil our potential. As long as the environment we exist in offers favourable conditions, we will blossom. As long as no one else starts dictating how we should live our life, we will continue to bloom.

If, for whatever reason, we face adversity and can no long function healthily, person-centred therapy believes that the way back to wellness is through experiencing favourable conditions.

While our current society contains pockets of person-centredness – such as in nursing, care, elements of learning and mental health provision – the majority of our interactions occur in an imbalanced, unequal, critical, coercive, controlling, punitive and authoritarian landscape. This is the very type of environment that, according to person-centredness, makes us unwell in the first place.

What do you make of this idea? If it’s something you’d be interested to know more about, take a look at the following text, which is adapted from a concept by Donald Snygg and Arthur Combs called Phenomenal Field Theory.

Imagine walking into a field with someone. While you notice the grazing cattle, the other person has their eyes fixed on the orange-pink sky. If you wish to enter into their world, you’d need to take your awareness away from your own interest (in this case the cattle) and focus on the sky. To get an idea of what it must be like to be them, you’ll also likely need to ask them some questions and to observe them.

So, in a short space of time, by being beside them, you now know that when they go into a field they tend to look at the sky. This is their behaviour. And the more time you spend with them in their own ‘field’ (rather than your own field), the more you’ll truly understand them and get to know what’s meaningful for them, what they respond to and what motivates them.

Now if this person is content with herself and the world around her, she won’t just want to keep things as they are, she’ll need to keep things as they are. And she won’t just need to keep things as they are, she’ll be looking to enhance her experiences even more.

This is the important part of the person-centred theory: that everyone wants the best for themselves, everyone wants more – whatever that may be. This could be about having more stimulating experiences. Or it could be a desire to learn more things about the world. The term they use to explain this is ‘self-actualising.’

So far, in this story, you’ve been encouraged to play the part of a person-centred individual. You’ve looked at the sky, you’ve chatted with another individual and you haven’t tried to manipulate or coerce her into doing anything that you want to do, rather than what she wants to do.

As a consequence of your behaviour, she feels quite relaxed in your company. She doesn’t feel threatened, intimidated, awkward or ill-at-ease. Now, quite naturally, she has enquired about your interests. And now you’re walking over to the grazing cattle and you’re telling a story about your childhood on a farm, in response to which she’s nodding and listening intently.

So here we have a simple demonstration of a meeting between two person-centred people. Could we now attempt to box together terms that go some way to describing the attributes, attitudes and qualities of person-centredness?

Honest. Open. Trustworthy. Genuine. Accepting. Non-judgmental. Relational. Empathetic. Egalitarian. Warm. Aware. Attuned. Genuine. Nurturing. Caring. Respectful. Compassionate. Sympathetic.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people in our world who do not take the same approach. We will now look at some of the non-person-centred ways people might behave in the field.

Applying pressure/power. Manipulating. Intimidating. Coercing. Oppressing. Discriminating. Judging. Blaming. Guilt-inducing. Shaming. Dictating. Dominating. Creating hostility. Viewing behaviour from a normative position. Entitlement. Being self-absorbed. Emotional blackmail. Tricking. Belittling. Criticising. Punishing. Being dismissive. Controlling. Abusing. Being defensive. Projecting. Threatening. Fear-mongering. Patronising. Ignoring. Being opinionated. Avoiding. Denying. Lying. Pretending. Being hurtful. Having ulterior motives.

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, ‘Soften the orange a bit on the right-hand corner’. I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”
Carl Rogers

The following revolutions break down more of the person-centred approach if you wish to consider using them on a daily basis to enhance your connections with others – or integrating them into your very being.

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