The Self
Part 20 - Exploring how we developed from childhood

Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson came up with a notion that we all face certain challenges or tasks at different times in our lives, and how we navigate these challenges will determine the person we become – with our response to future challenges determining the person we will still become.

Taking a wide view of our life and the paths we have taken to date may be useful in many ways. Firstly, it can help us to understand ourselves. Secondly, if we identify certain tasks that we did not accomplish in the past, we may wish to revisit these stages with a view to overcoming the challenge. Thirdly, if you see where your life is heading and want to change it, Erikson’s stages of life and their particular challenges may give you the means to do so.

Stage 1:	Infant
Age:	0-2 years
Hurdle:	Trust vs mistrust
Question:	Do I feel safe and secure?

Aided by parents (or care-givers), the challenge at this stage in life is to develop a sense of hope, trust and security as opposed to fear, mistrust and anxiety. Whichever direction we take will have a huge bearing on how we view the world around us.

Stage 2:	Toddler
Age:	2-3 years
Hurdle:	Independence vs shame/doubt
Question:	Is it okay to be myself?

At this point it is important to be allowed to make choices: such as whether or not we want to be physically near to our parents; which toys we decide to play with; having the time and space to learn new skills. Successful completion of this stage will result in self-control. If we are criticised when a toddler, given little freedom to express ourselves, or if we start to doubt our abilities, we will develop low self-esteem.

Stage 3:	Young child
Age:	3-5 years
Hurdle:	Initiative vs guilt
Question:	Can I experiment, or do the attitudes of others hold me back?

At this stage we push at the boundaries of how far we can go. If we are regularly punished for our lively behaviour, we may become worn down and stop being inventive, and we may also develop a sense that what we are doing is wrong. However, if we were able to navigate through this stage with our creativity intact, we are likely to come away with a sense of purpose in our lives.

Stage 4:	School pupil
Age:	5-13 years
Hurdle:	Industry vs inferiority
Question:	Can I succeed or am I a failure?

At this age, it’s important that we are given the chance to demonstrate the skills and abilities we have learned, and develop a sense of achievement, accomplishment and approval. If we do not get this from the interactions with our peers, teachers and parents, we may feel that we are worth less than others, and give up trying to do the best we can.

Stage 5:	Adolescent
Age:	13-19 years
Hurdle:	Identity vs role confusion
Question:	Who am I?

It’s crucial for teenagers to carve out an identity and a role for themselves, including: developing personal beliefs, values, and ethics, and notions of what is important and what is not, making career options/goals in life, figuring out our image, sexuality, and gender, and accepting that other people have their own identity and role. When we are prevented from establishing a clear self and self-identity – for whatever reason – conflict, confusion or a crisis may follow.

Stage 6:	Young adult
Age:	20-39 years
Hurdle:	Intimacy vs isolation
Question:	Can I share my life with others?

The challenge at this point in life is whether we can love and be loved. Can we form lasting relationships with partners, as well as friends, or do we fear rejection or intimacy? In the latter case, we may become isolated and experience loneliness and unhappiness.

Stage 7:	Middle-aged adult
Age:	40-64 years
Hurdle:	Purpose vs stagnation
Question:	Can I make my life meaningful?

In middle age we may feel that we have established ourselves, through a career or perhaps through bringing up children. We may feel that we are connected to the wider world in some way and that we have purpose and meaning in our lives. Alternatively, we could consider our life to be unproductive and unfulfilling.

Stage 8:	Older adult
Age:	65+ years
Hurdle:	Satisfaction vs despair
Question:	Was my life worthwhile or a waste of space?

At the end of our lives, when there is time to reflect on our past years, we hope we will have found wisdom from our experiences and knowledge, and that we can face death without fear and misgivings. Otherwise, we may succumb to regrets, guilt, hopelessness and despair.