Owning your own stuff

Take a look at these grammatical pronouns and how they might appear in a sentence…
First person/speaker: I, we, me, us: ‘I am brushing my teeth.’
Second person/person spoken to: you: ‘You are brushing your teeth.’
Third person/all other people: he, she, it, they, him, her, them. ‘They are brushing their teeth.’
Fourth person/someone distinct from first, second and third person: one: ‘One is brushing one’s teeth.’

When anyone is telling a story, they get to choose which of the four perspective they’ll use. So, they can either be very close to the action (first person) or they can become largely removed or disconnected from a story (fourth person).

A lot of people use the word ‘you’ rather than ‘I’ when they are talking about an experience or an opinion they hold. They say things like “You know what it’s like when you can’t find your car and you’re worried that you are starting to lose your mind.” The use of the word “you” in these circumstances is known as a generic you, and it’s used as an alternative to the word “one”.

Now, in no way is the purpose of Self Detective to criticise anyone for their choices or to say that there is a right way or a wrong way. That said, we hope there is always a time and space for playful, kindly challenges. And here it is: By replacing the first-person status (‘I’) with a fourth-person singular impersonal pronoun (‘you’) one appears to have avoided taking ownership of one’s own experience.

Now there might be a very good reason for this. A person may believe that everyone in their position would react and behave in exactly the same way. Fair enough. And there might be a really good reason as to why some people wish not be so close to themselves or their stories, or do not want to take responsibility for themselves or their actions. Fair enough. The flip side to this is that if you were to explore using the first person “I” more often in your conversation then perhaps it could bring you greater integration of mind and body, and ultimately greater wellness. Who knows? Just a thought.