Wellness Calendar: Sunday 21 September

‘Yes’ & ‘No’

Having a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ in our locker helps us to define our own borders between what’s acceptable and what isn’t. It helps to keep a structure. It helps to keep our identity – and our values. It shows us how far we are prepared to go in any direction, in any given situation. These words can help us get what we want and stop the things that we don’t want. Saying the words out loud or gesticulating their meaning keeps us safe.

Can you have a yes if you don’t have a no?
Can you have a no if you don’t have a yes?

If you find it hard to say either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ (or both) without any real conviction to ourselves or to others, it may be useful to shore them up so that ‘yes’ really does mean yes and ‘no’ really does mean no. This might involve experimenting with the words and the way you say them and the way your body moves when you express them. This might involve watching how other people go about expressing themselves and their own boundaries.

Similarly, if you come across people who don’t have a strong yes or no, how might you navigate what’s okay with them and what’s not? How might you help them to express themselves, rather than taking advantage of their inability?

“No is no
No is always no
If they say no, it means a thousand times no
No plus no equals no
All no’s lead to no no no.”
They Might Be Giants

“She’ll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows, see how it is
They want you or they don’t
Say yes.”
Elliot Smith

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