The wound that opens and closes

To help us come to terms with our losses, would be it helpful to map out our own landscapes? It could be through words or by some other means of expression, such as drawing or singing. Here are some definitions that other people have come up with. But it would be more meaningful for you to come up with your own understanding of what you are going through?

Bereavement: a period of mourning after a death.

Mourning: the expression of sorrow for someone's death.

Grief: intense sorrow, especially caused by someone's death: this can include terminations, miscarriages and stillborn babies.

Sorrow: a feeling of deep distress caused by loss or misfortune

Mid-life orphan: a recognition of the distress caused by losing both parents and becoming ‘orphaned’ at a relatively early age; as well as a realisation of one’s own mortality.

Anticipatory grief: refers to a grief reaction that occurs before an impending loss. Typically, the impending loss is the death of someone close due to illness, but it can also be experienced by dying individuals themselves.

Unresolved/complicated grief: can be used to describe grief that does not go away or interferes with the person’s ability to take care of daily responsibilities. This may be due to the traumatic nature of the grief, e.g., suicide or murder.

Unfinished business: emotions and memories surrounding a death that we avoid or repress. The feelings are not fully processed at the time because they’re too overwhelming or traumatic. Since they’re unresolved, they linger in the background of our heart and mind. When they’re not expressed, the sadness, grief, fear, anger, anxiety, mistrust or terror associated with the deceased or the event can be carried and end up interfering with our present lives.

Loss: the feeling of grief after losing someone or something of value.

Estrangement: the fact of no longer being on friendly terms or part of a social group. For example, a family breakdown.

In the old days, the task of grief was to let go and move on from the deceased. Now we see the benefits of continuing bonds with those who have died. Yes, death ends a life, but not the relationship. This allows a person to be both absent and present at the same time.

Grief was once viewed as a psychological happening, whereas now it has expanded to include all sorts of manifestations, including physical ones.

Some people talk about the pain and hurt they experience with grief as though it were a raw, open wound (often described as lying length-ways across their chest). Sometimes that wound appears to be healing or close to healed… but then, whenever there’s bad news or another bout of grief, loss or hurt – the wound opens up again. Only this time the wound is not just a result of the latest upset, but of all the upsets combined, all at the same time… and then the wound seems to heal over again… until the next time.

Are these ideas applicable to you in any way?