Beliefs, values and standards

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The Self
Part 5 - Beliefs, values and standards

Our own belief, value and standard systems

Working out which beliefs, values and standards you hold dear is another way of discovering what is important to you, and in turn what makes you you.

Charlie is now going to share some of his own values and
beliefs in order to get you thinking about your own.

I believe that…
My mother and father love me
Everyone is entitled to have a voice
Nobody should be without a home
I believe that I am…
A decent enough human being
Not particularly clever
Working class
Doing the best that I can
I believe that I will not…
Take drugs
Steal from anyone
Harm anyone on purpose
Stray from my path
I believe in…
Myself
Loyalty and respect
Not much else

My own beliefs

We now invite you to write down some things about your own belief structures.

I believe that…

I believe that I am…

I believe that I will not…

I believe in…

My most recent new belief is…

Beliefs that I used to have but don’t have anymore…

Q: Which of your beliefs started from the influence of someone else: e.g. parents, friends, teachers, etc.

Q: Can you name some things that you are not sure whether or not you believe in?

Q: Can you name some beliefs other people have that you cannot accept or tolerate?

My own values

Below is an incomplete list of values. We invite you to choose 10 values that are the most important to you (either from the list or by adding your own). Once you have done this, see if you can reduce this list down to 5 and then see if you can whittle it down further to just 3 core values.

Abundance. Acceptance. Accessibility. Accomplishment. Accuracy. Achievement. Acknowledgement. Activeness. Adaptability. Adoration. Adroitness. Adventure. Affection. Affluence. Aggressiveness. Agility. Alertness. Altruism. Ambition. Amusement. Anticipation. Appreciation. Approachability. Articulacy. Assertiveness. Assurance. Attentiveness. Attractiveness. Audacity. Availability. Awareness. Awe.
Balance. Beauty. Being the best. Belonging. Benevolence. Bliss. Boldness. Bravery. Brilliance. Buoyancy.
Calmness. Camaraderie. Candour. Capability. Care. Carefulness. Celebrity. Certainty. Challenge. Charity. Charm. Chastity. Cheerfulness. Clarity. Cleanliness. Clear-mindedness. Cleverness. Comfort. Commitment. Compassion. Completion. Composure. Concentration. Confidence. Conformity. Congruency. Connection. Consciousness. Consistency. Contentment. Continuity. Contribution. Control. Conviction. Conviviality. Coolness. Cooperation. Cordiality. Correctness. Courage. Courtesy. Craftiness. Creativity. Credibility. Cunning. Curiosity.
Daring. Decisiveness. Decorum. Deference. Delight. Dependability. Depth. Desire. Determination. Devotion. Devoutness. Dexterity. Dignity. Diligence. Direction. Directness. Discipline. Discovery. Discretion. Diversity. Dominance. Dreaming. Drive. Duty. Dynamism.
Energy. Enjoyment. Entertainment. Enthusiasm. Excellence. Excitement. Exhilaration. Expectancy. Expediency. Experience. Expertise. Exploration. Expressiveness. Extravagance. Extroversion. Exuberance.
Fairness. Faith. Fame. Family. Fascination. Fashion. Fearlessness. Ferocity. Fidelity. Fierceness. Financial independence. Firmness. Fitness. Flexibility. Flow. Fluency. Focus. Fortitude. Frankness. Freedom. Friendliness. Frugality. Fun.
Gallantry. Generosity. Gentility. Giving. Grace. Gratitude. Gregariousness. Growth. Guidance.
Happiness. Harmony. Health. Heart. Helpfulness. Heroism. Holiness. Honesty. Honour. Hopefulness. Hospitality. Humility. Humour. Hygiene.
Imagination. Impact. Impartiality. Independence. Industry. Ingenuity. Inquisitiveness. Insightfulness. Inspiration. Integrity. Intelligence. Intensity. Intimacy. Intrepidness. Introversion. Intuition. Intuitiveness. Inventiveness. Investing.
Joy. Judiciousness. Justice.
Keenness. Kindness. Knowledge.
Leadership. Learning. Liberation. Liberty. Liveliness. Logic. Longevity. Love. Loyalty.
Majesty. Making a difference. Mastery. Maturity. Meekness. Mellowness. Meticulousness. Mindfulness. Modesty. Motivation. Mysteriousness.
Neatness. Nerve.
Obedience. Open-mindedness. Openness. Optimism. Order. Organisation. Originality. Outlandishness. Outrageousness.
Passion. Peace. Perceptiveness. Perfection. Perkiness. Perseverance. Persistence. Persuasiveness. Philanthropy. Piety. Playfulness. Pleasantness. Pleasure. Poise. Polish. Popularity. Potency. Power. Practicality. Pragmatism. Precision. Preparedness. Presence. Privacy. Proactivity. Professionalism. Prosperity. Prudence. Punctuality. Purity.
Realism. Reason. Reasonableness. Recognition. Recreation. Refinement. Reflection. Relaxation. Reliability. Religiousness. Resilience. Resolution. Resolve. Resourcefulness. Respect. Rest. Restraint. Reverence. Richness. Rigour.
Sacredness. Sacrifice. Sagacity. Saintliness. Sanguinity. Satisfaction. Security. Self-control. Selflessness. Self-reliance. Sensitivity. Sensuality. Serenity. Service. Sexuality. Sharing. Shrewdness. Significance. Silence. Silliness. Simplicity. Sincerity. Skilfulness. Solidarity. Solitude. Soundness. Speed. Spirit. Spirituality. Spontaneity. Stability. Stealth. Stillness. Strength. Structure. Success. Support. Supremacy. Surprise. Sympathy. Synergy.
Teamwork. Temperance. Thankfulness. Thoroughness. Thoughtfulness. Thrift. Tidiness. Timeliness. Traditionalism. Tranquillity. Transcendence. Trust. Trustworthiness. Truth.
Understanding. Unflappability. Uniqueness. Unity. Usefulness. Utility.
Valour. Variety. Victory. Vigour. Virtue. Vision. Vitality. Vivacity.
Warmth. Watchfulness. Wealth. Wilfulness. Willingness. Winning. Wisdom. Wittiness. Wonder.
Youthfulness.
Zeal.

My 3 main values are:

1
2
3

Some further questions to ponder around values:

Q: How important are your values to you?

Q: Have your values changed across your lifetime? If so, what did you once value that you don’t now?

Q: Do your values change depending on where you are and who you are with?

Q: How much do you think your values contribute to you being who you are?

Q: Would you say you are a forgiving person?

Q: Would you say that you have a strong moral compass?

Q: How high would you say your standards are?

The trouble with values, beliefs and standards

Charlie says he will never take drugs. But what happens if he does? He says he will not harm anyone. But what if he does? What happens to us when we cannot live by the beliefs and values that we’ve set ourselves or other people have set us? What happens if those values are so far out of reach that very few people could ever live by them?

For some people, not being able to live by their own standards or the standards that others have set for them can be the start of an internal conflict, the start of distress, the start of things going wrong for them. For example:

1. Your parents’ belief is that homosexuality is despicable and you have to believe what they say (because it’s your belief that you should believe the same as them). You are attracted to the same sex.

2. I want to maintain my value of not eating sugary things, but I also want to eat cake from time to time. When I am not eating cake, I am good. When I eat cake, I am bad.

3. I no longer believe in what my friends and family believe in. If I tell them so, I will become a black sheep and my life will become unbearable. If I do not tell them, I will be living a lie and that will be unbearable, too.

Q: What do you think would happen if you were unable to meet the standards you set yourself?

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