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Our psychological self

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The Self
Part 14 - Our psychological self

One of the functions of our mind is to keep in check who we are, and to make sure that everything about us is consistent and neat and tidy (both to ourselves and to other people). Some people use this side of the mind more than others. Some people let this part of their mind rule them with an iron fist – as though this function is the most important aspect of their life.

Threats to our psychological self

One common aspect of a psychological self is its weakness in the face of threats. The kind of threats we are talking about here are often truths that challenge the very fabric of who you are and the views you have of yourself and the world around you.

How much of a threat these challenges will be to your psychological make-up will depend on how flexible, rigid or fearful you are. And maybe you won’t know how flexible or rigid or fearful you are until you have faced a threat to your psychological self.
Below are some examples of psychological threats:
  • You have a passing thought that when you drink alcohol you are not in control of your mind or responsible for your actions. The thought of you not being in control is unthinkable – therefore you block it out.

  • You wake up one day and realise you do not love your life-long partner anymore. The thought is too overwhelming. You ignore it and get on with your day.

  • You discover a part of you that you do not like at all. The hatred inside you terrifies you. You reject your feelings.

  • You have a violent encounter that makes you realise you are much more vulnerable than you ever thought. Out of fear you block the idea out of your head.

  • For a brief moment you see the world for what it is, rather than what you want it to be. A huge wave of disappointment washes over you… then you forget all about it.
The way that the psychological self deals with these threats will depend on how deeply the threat has ruptured the inner sanctum of your very being. If this new information has ripped apart the very fabric of your world, then it will be impossible to undo the damage or alter the stark reality. However, if the danger can be averted, then there are many ways in which the psychological self can protect itself:
  • Deny that the rupture ever happened and go on pretending everything is fine and as it was before
  • Become more rigid and inflexible
  • Go the opposite way to prove that the truth is not true
  • Limit the damage by only accepting the bits of new information that you are willing or able to digest
  • Blame the messenger of the unwanted truth
  • Put your head in the sand and do nothing and hope it all blows away
  • Walk away from the scene of the discomfort
  • Turn to drink and drugs to escape from the pain of reality
  • Contemplate suicide

…Yet that is not the way it has to be.
Some people are not protective about their inner self.

Some people have learned (or indeed un-learned) how to become less guarded.

Some people are able to rise above these threats.

Sometimes you can see it in a person’s eyes. You can see it in the way they present themselves. They are open to new experiences. They are honest with themselves. They have nothing to gain or lose from being protective. They are not hung up about what others think of them.

How did they end up this way? No doubt they spent a fair amount of time exploring and understanding their inner self. No doubt they were aware of the threats and their own fears and they managed to let go of them.

Maybe you could do the same if you had the time and the energy. Maybe you have already started…?
[NB. If you have a highly protective psychological self, the chances are that this part of you will not be receptive to any kind of self-detective work.]
In fact, the chances are, if you go meddling around in areas that you are afraid of, your mind will probably do everything it can to stop you from discovering new insights about yourself. A guarded psychological self does not want to grow, or change, or develop. It wants things to stay the same – even if that means being discontent and unsatisfied.

This means that when you have your self-detective hat on, you will need to tread carefully around yourself: too much too soon
could scare your psychological self into aborting the whole mission.

Continue reading

This interactive workbook and many more are avaliable free at My Self Detective:

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