Relationships
Part 6 - Ingredients that make for good and bad relationships

What is talking all about?
How much do you need to talk to others?
What happens if you don’t talk?
Does it matter what you are saying, or is it more important just to be engaged in communication?
Do you need to talk as much as you do?
Is there more to a conversation than merely talking?
Are there more unspoken messages in a conversation than there are spoken?
How important is it for you to understand what is really going on when you are talking?
When you talk are you aware of what it is that you want to get out of the conversation?
If you strip down the content of what you are saying, what are you actually saying?

Below are some examples of what we might really be saying when we are talking.

I need to be heard (by you)

I need to know that I am not alone

I need to know that I am alive

I need to know that you care about me

I need to know that I am not going mad

I want to show you that I care about you

I need to unburden the stuff that is in my head (and my heart)

I need to be in control

I want/need to dominate you

I want something specific from you

I want something from you (but I don’t know what it is)

I want you to like/love me

I need to be the centre of attention

I need reassurance

I need to impress you

Please be gentle with me

I need to protect myself

I want you to make me feel a certain way

I want to avoid any silence

I want to avoid certain topics of conversation

I use my voice to keep you at a distance

Do you recognise any of these?

Would it be useful for you to reflect on what you are saying with different people in different situations? (And vice versa?)
Would it be useful to become more aware of what is happening during a conversation, and to figure out what it is you really want to get out of a conversation?
Would it be useful for you to explore and experiment how you engage with other people?