Coping Strategies
Part 10 - Close-up on 7 ways of coping

When we need to breathe the most, like when we are stressed, or stuck in a rut, or up a height, we tend to do the opposite. We hold our breath, clench our hands, tense our bodies. Yet if we did remember to breathe during these moments, we would find that there are lot more possibilities open to us, as well as greater clarity of thought, which can help us to de-stress or de- escalate a situation.

Conversely, taking more breaths than you usually would (otherwise known as shallow breathing or hyperventilating) is often developed during an anxiety attack, which only serves to heighten the intensity of the anxiety and perpetuate the fear that you are out of control. Yet if there was a way of taking control of our breathing, then perhaps we could help to settle ourselves in times of difficulty.

Unless there is a good reason not to do so, the general wisdom it that it is healthier to breathe through your nostrils than it is to breathe through your mouth (with the exception of when you are undertaking vigorous physical exercise). For one, nasal breathing allows the lungs to absorb greater amounts of oxygen. It also warms up the air to body temperature and filters out unwanted particles.

If you mouth-breathe through force of habit alone, perhaps you may wish to invest time in swapping over to the nose.

The act of conscious breathing is simply about bringing the (normally) automatic function of breathing into your awareness, so that you can alter the flow and the rate of air going back and forth into our lungs.

The benefits of deeper conscious breathing into the lungs, for certain periods of time, are many. Here are some examples:

• Increased energy levels
• Released muscle tension and stress
• Relaxed nervous system
• Oxygenated organs

The benefits of slower conscious breathing include:

• Reduced anxiety and arousal
• Improved sleep
• Reduced heart rate
• Lower levels of adrenalin(e)

Collectively conscious breathing can help:

• Release suppressed emotions
• Manage pain
• Manage intense emotions, such as anger and guilt
• Recover from a trauma
• Prevent illness
• Increase self-control and resilience

Below are some exercises to get you actively engaged in your breathing. If you research more into this subject you will also see the connection breathing has with other disciplines, such as yoga, meditation and mindfulness.

1. Inhale through your nose and down into your belly for 3 beats.
2. Hold your breath for 3 beats.
3. Release your breath for 3 beats.

Repeat steps for up to five minutes.
Increase the beats to 4 and then 5 if you can.
Change the stages if you wish, so that you start with 1, move to 3 then 2 then back to 1 again.

1. Lie down in a comfortable position
2. Rest your hand just below your rib cage.
3. Inhale and exhale (x10) so that your hands experience the rise and fall of your belly.
4. Rest your hands on the sides of your rib cage.
5. Inhale and exhale (x10) so that your hands experience the rise and fall of your rib cage.
6. Rest your hands above your rib cage, just below your shoulder blades.
7. Inhale and exhale (x10) while focusing on the areas where your hands are resting. (You may or may not experience a gentle movement in this area.)

1. Take it in turn to press a finger down on each side of your nostril so that your breath is being channelled up and down one side of your nose at a time. Focus your awareness on the inhalation and exhalation through each nostril.
2. See if you can do the above exercise (1.) by concentrating on each nostril in turn without the use of a finger.

1. Place your hands on your belly. Inhale through the nose slowly until the belly expands like a balloon.
2. Release the air through the mouth in one go.

1. Lie down with your hands by your side and close your eyes. 2. Bring your awareness to your feet.
3. Breathe in slowly.
4. As you release the breath, imagine, sense or visualise the air brushing past your feet before leaving your body.
5. Pick another part of the body to focus on and repeat steps 3 and 4. Do this for as many parts of your body as you wish.
6. End the exercise by slowly opening your eyes and bringing your awareness back into the room.

Sleep is one of the most important things our bodies need in order to stay healthy. A good night’s sleep can also help us to cope with so many things that life throws at us. So, please, please, please, do make it your number-one priority to maintain or improve your sleep in whichever ways you can.

You may suffer from poor sleep, either through lack of self-care or the environment you are in, or you may have lost the ability to switch off due to all sorts of circumstances.

Pain, ruminations, work, addictions, worries, lack of structure and routine, life changes, sound, light, hormonal changes, grief, depression and nightmares are just some of the ways in which we can be thrown out of kilter. This may have gone on for weeks or months or years. No matter how difficult you think it may be, we would still recommend that you explore sleep afresh, from a Self Detective perspective.

What does the word sleep mean to you? Do you enjoy it? Fear it? Would it help you to embrace the world of sleep and all that it gives to you: e.g. a chance for the body to repair itself and a chance for the brain to process information from the day? Would it help you to understand the mechanics of sleep? When is your sleep at its poorest? What features and conditions can provide you with a higher quality of sleep?
Do you avoid having to deal with sleep and then just tolerate sleeplessness when it arrives?

What if sleep was the most important function of your day? What steps might you take in the run-up to sleep in order to get the most out of it? What if you planned for your sleep in the full knowledge of what has worked best for you in the past and what hasn’t worked and what you might be able to change and what, realistically, you cannot? What if you gave yourself permission to explore the whole length and breadth of your sleep, ruling nothing in and nothing out? Are you willing to try new approaches to sleep?

Some people feel the need to be in control at all times and do not like the transitional moment between wakefulness and sleep. They fight it and fight it until they can no longer remain awake. Yet what would it be like not to fight it? To accept the paradox that being too much in control can make you out of control? Can the transition be made easier to deal with by letting go of your wakefulness on your own terms and in your own way?

Some people try too hard. Yet you don’t get to sleep by forcing yourself to sleep. You get to sleep by acknowledging how tired you are.

Some people are unable to get to sleep because they are not in the present moment. They are either thinking about what has happened in the past or they are thinking about what may happen in the future. If this is the case, then some breathing exercises may help them back into the here and now.

Some people curse themselves with a negative narrative: “I have trouble getting to sleep” or “I am a poor sleeper” (as though this defines you as a person). How about a different approach instead, something along the lines of
“I am open to ways to improve my sleep”?

Some people dislike change.
How much are you prepared to change?
Sometimes there is a clear-cut solution to the problem of sleep, yet we don’t act on it because we worry about the consequences. For example, if we sleep with another person and they keep us awake by their snoring or their movements in the night, a solution would be to sleep apart or use ear plugs.

1. Create the best and most conducive sleep environment you possibly can. With every possible detail considered, down to the amount of light you have, the colour of the walls and the colour of the lights, the bedding not too hot, not too cold, the lack of creases on your sheets, smells or no smells, noise or no noise, temperature, objects you may or may not need at hand (Music. Radio. Scent. Eye mask. Book. Notepad and pen. Ear plugs.) In essence, you are decluttering your room and turning it into a sacred space, geared up as much as it can to providing you with what you might need.

2. Set up a pre-sleep routine. This may involve, for example:
(i) Not eating or taking stimulants or stimulating yourself after a certain time in the evening.
(ii) Having a regular sleep-inducing night-time drink.
(iii) Giving yourself a period of time to decant your thoughts and put them to one side (ideally by writing them down or sharing them with another person).
(iv) Establishing a slow and deliberate bathroom routine. (v) Winding down at the same time every night.
(vi) Place a worry doll under your pillow.

3. Undertake a breathing exercise sitting on the bed or lying on top of the bed or while lying inside the bed.

4. Have a mantra to repeat to help you shift away from your brain noise.

5. Use breathing exercises to help to ground yourself in the here and now moment.