Wellness Calendar: Saturday 5 April

Strokes

If you don’t get enough positive attention from other people –compliments, say – you may strive for a negative reaction, such as getting told off. The idea is that any kind of connection with someone is better than being ignored or left out.

In 1935, psychoanalyst René Spitz undertook research into child development in institutions such as orphanages, prisons and hospitals. He found that infants who were deprived of touch, love and intimacy went into rapid decline. He called this emotional deprivation.

Meanwhile, psychiatrist Eric Berne saw similar things going on with adults who endure a lack of physical intimacy. He called this need for physical intimacy strokes. In its most basic form, a stroke could be a mere acknowledgement of our presence – that we exist in this world – or it could mean a literal stroking of the head or the hand.

Are you getting enough positive strokes? If not, can you seek them out within your community?

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