Love, love and more love

There are so many different types of love, and so many definitions, that it can be hard to know just what people mean when they say the L-word.

The writer Susan Sontag said that no human relations are a mystery – except love. Does she have a point? Should we leave love alone and simply enjoy its mysteriousness?

Here are some love definitions that may help us (or confuse us, as the case may be):

• an intense feeling of deep affection
• warm attachment
• a strong feeling of desire
• unconditional acceptance and positive regard

Some say love is a basic need of all humans: just as we can be hungry for food and thirsty for water, so can we be hungry/thirsty for love. Others point out that love is biological, social, psychological and emotional all at the same time. (That’s a whole lotta love!)

Emotionally, where does love start and end? Is it on a spectrum or a continuum? If so, what is above and below love – and where do attraction and lust feature? Is fear the opposite of love? Or is hate? Or something else?

Would it be useful if we mapped out our own notions and experiences of love using metaphors or equations, Venn diagrams, or a landscape such as an island?

Can you have love without anyone else? (Then again, how would you know how to love yourself if it wasn’t from understanding how others give and receive love?)

“It hurts to love. It’s like giving yourself to be flayed and know that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.”

Susan Sontag

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”

Brené Brown, Research Professor at the University of Houston

More importantly, what do you mean when you say the word love? How many different types of love can you think of? What do you think is the difference between love, being in love or falling in love? Is love the driving force behind us forming relationships? How do you know when the loving has stopped? Is there such a thing as unconditional love? How passive or active would you say you are around love?
Does love simply plop on your lap, or do you have to work for it?

When it comes to your own experiences of love, which questions would be most useful for you to ask and then answer?