The Self
Part 11 - Different ways of seeing ourselves

Matryoshka dolls, otherwise known as Russian nesting dolls, can be a symbolic and creative tool to get you exploring the length and breadth of yourself. Below is one of many ways in which the dolls can be interpreted:

(1) is the whole of you and it houses the rest of you. This is the you that everyone gets to see. (2) is the you that people see when they get to spend some time with you for the first time. The you that your friends get to see is (3), while (4) is reserved for good friends and family. The next size down is (5), which is the you that only you get to see, while (6) is the you that even you don’t know about – representing the hidden and as yet undiscovered things about yourself. Finally, there is (7), which is the most precious part of you. This is untouchable by anything or anyone. It is your life-force – your generator.

What does each one represent to you?

Created by Eric Berne.

Another way to approach this is to divide ourselves up into three states: the parent (P), the adult (A), the child (C).

Imagine that we want an ice cream. The part of us that wants the ice cream is the child side. “I want an ice cream! I want an ice cream!”, it tells the other two sides. “Okay,” says the adult part. “Do you know where to go and do you have enough money to pay for it?” At which point the parent part steps in: “Didn’t you have an ice cream yesterday? Don’t you know they are not good for you?”

In this scenario if you were to listen to just the child’s side, you would likely be eating the ice cream by now. If you were listening to the parent’s side, you would be unlikely to get an ice cream, and as for the adult: this part seems to mediate between the other two sides.

To expand a little further:

(P) The parent part of us is the side that mimics our own parents, and the descriptions you may give this part depend on what sort of parenting you had: e.g. critical or nurturing, controlling or supportive, blaming or wise, insensitive or responsible.

(A) The adult side is a rational and reasonable kind of self. It doesn’t take what the other parts say to heart and is generally keen to talk to other people on the same adult level.

(C) The child element is curious and full of energy and play, with lots of needs and wants. The kind of childhood you had will determine how secure it is, how trusting of others it is, whether it’s argumentative and rebellious or whether it’s well-adjusted and creative.

If you were to divide yourself up into these three circles – (P)(A)(C) – how big would you say each of them would be in relation to each other? Below are two examples of different types of people based on their differently-sized (P)(A)(C) parts.

Can you imagine what they would be like to meet in real life?

Okay, now it’s your turn to see what you would look like as represented by your parent, adult and child. And please remember there is no right or wrong shape to this. All of these exercises are undertaken in the spirit of exploration and understanding.

Q: How much of yourself do you share with other people?
Q: Would you say you are a private or a public person?

Imagine you are an onion. Colour in the layer that shows how much of yourself you reveal to other people: the outer ring being the protective outer layer, and the inner rings representing more openness, transparency and depth.

Q: Are you happy with the ring you have coloured in, or would you like to be more or less open?